RILKE, THE EARTH AND I

The iris' are exquisite this year, especially these yellow ones!

Just after my surgery, when I was 'confined' to doing almost nothing but reading, I embarked on a reading/writing journey.  Ranier Maria Rilke (1875-1926), who has for many years been my favorite poet,  newly inspired me.  (I realize that there are not many people who even like poetry, much less have a favorite poet.)  I do not have all of his work, but I do own a significant amount of his writings.  I can distinctly recall the very first time I read him, and how I was rendered almost speechless at his words.  I was deeply torn as well, between reverence and jealousy that his words were not my own.

On Rilke

 I can barely imagine his writing room

dark desk, dim light

dark young man…

bent heavy with love

and intensity

penning words

that preceded me by decades

yet seem to be mine.

I read with a devout awe

and a stinging jealousy…

and think that now, having been said,

I cannot drag these words

up from my own anguished soul.

They were taken from me

before I even was…

both riveted

and torn,

grateful and distraught

honoring yet coveting

I know these were my words,

these were my aching soul in Rilke’s tortured web of love

and he pulled them out one deep night

set them down

lifted them up into the holy mist

and I down these many years

anointed by such grace

wander and search and wonder

what words are left for me?

 Joanne Adragna Shird

January 1, 2011

  

Among the works I own are translations by Joanna Macy and Anita Barrows, who in my estimation are the finest of Rilke translators.  One of the books is called A Year With Rilke: Daily Readings from the Best of Rainer Maria Rilke.  As I was reading the daily entry, a niggling began inside, my thought was that I would read each entry daily (but also the day/evening before so that would peculate in me) and each day write something of my own inspired by his work.  I began this journey on February 16, my first poem, and continue to this day.  You might say it has become somewhat of an obsession.  

The point of this post has to do with the reading for today, entitled by Macy and Barrows (Rilke didn't title most of his work) 'Earth, Isn't This What You Want'. This entry is a portion of a poem from the Duino Elegies, specifically the Ninth Elegy.  It is really a 'love song' to the earth, and I find it one of his most beautiful works.  In almost everyone of his poems I find one or two lines that I actually covet, wish with all my heart it hadn't been said, so I could pull it out of myself and set it down in words.  In this 'love song' Rilke's line spoken to the earth was, "Before I was named I belonged to you."  This resonated deeply with me, and as I continued to read and reread this entry in preparation for writing my own, I felt a swelling, a fullness emphasized by what was outside my window, what was in the garden I just stepped out of, and by the fruits of the earth I was holding as I prepared dinner.  

I fear this may sound a bit odd to many, but I knew the connection between the earth and myself.  I felt how it nourished me not just by giving me the food I was preparing but by the very rhythms of growth and decline.

Although I mostly prepare food with deep love and gratitude, I was so filled with Rilke's anthem to the earth that this meal's preparation seemed more holy to me.


One of my childhood favorite meals was called Chicken Oregano, and I have, over the years taken liberties with what goes on the roasting pan.

...organic chicken and potatoes, my own peppers and asparagus, organic carrots and onions...

Generally any fresh vegetable, especially straight from the garden, will do for this dish.  

Assemble the marinade (recipe follows).  Slather it generously over the chicken and place on a pan, slather more, and roast at 370 degrees for about 25 minutes.  Meanwhile in a bowl toss the cut up vegetables (not asparagus) with more of the marinade.  Add the potatoes, onions and carrots to the pan, making sure they are brushed with the oil/lemon juice mixture.  After about 15 minutes add the asparagus, and continue roasting until vegetables are done and chicken registers 195 degrees and is crispy.

Recipe for the marinade:

*1/3 c. good olive oil

*1/4 c. lemon juice

*one large garlic clove chopped

*2 tsp. dried oregano

*salt/pepper to taste 

I never lost sight of the interconnection with the earth during this meal, Rilke stayed with me, as he does today.

Here is my entry for today:

So much akin to you
     dear Earth, am I,
nothing of yours is foreign
     and I grow out of you,
perhaps not with the beauty
     of a flower
but surely like the knobby
     tree just outside my window.

There is nothing of me
     that you have not made
or touched, or helped to grow.

You circle me with your rhythms
     and the breath of those
that came before me.

There is nothing,
      that I do not owe to you.

I am your celebration,
    one thread
in this dense tapestry
     of life.

THE PARTY

Unfortunately my right hand, since surgery on January 31st, has been a central issue in my life, and often mentioned on this blog.  Most likely we all take our hands for granted, but were we to think about it, we would all be so grateful for them, their flexibility, their ceaseless labor, their loving touches, their creativity, their giving and their receiving.  I have learned that I can't take my hands for granted.  With the 'failure' of surgery to correct the problems brought about by Dupuytrans Contracture, actually making the problems far worse, I must say that I have, at times, come to detest my hand, to despise thinking about it all the time, and to feel depressed at its loss of normal function.  I have counted my blessings, and frequently realize that I could be so worse off, still it does not change the fact that my hand, in most ways, is no longer 'my hand'.  (As an aside, but a very related one, I was born with in-turning little fingers, really in-turning little fingers.  As a child I remember it bothering me some, but they did not impede my life, and I soon grew used to them, despite the 'ugly' nature of their being.  So adding the contractures to already not so pretty hands, was a bit of a blow. )

 

After surgery I was in Occupational Therapy for three months, wonderful therapists who helped me a great deal, and gave me hope.  Still, I am stalled in recovery, or at least feel that way.  Becoming disgusted with being down about this hand all the time, I decided that a Hand Party might be of some help.

This was to be a party of celebration for my hand, and to help me come to love this 'new' part of me.  I knew my grandgirls, Iris and Elsa, who spend much time gently petting and kissing my hand, would be so up for such a venture.

Invitations, and on the inside it reads 'Nonna's hand'.  On the back it reads, 'Fancy dress required'.  As I predicted, upon receiving these invitations and reading them, the response was, 'Oh, Nonnie' in their lilting but so pleased voice. 

On the morning of the party, we were, indeed, all dressed up. 

I made a cake in the shape of my hand, not realizing how not so pretty it was going to look with the crooked pinkie.  Unfortunately I took this photo before I placed a Wild Geranium flower on each finger tip, it looked quite a bit more lovely then.

In keeping with the theme, and knowing my girls love for my homemade bread, I rolled out some bread dough and using a hand cookie cutter, cut several pieces out and let them rise.

I also made one large hand-shaped loaf, using cherry tomatoes for finger nails...alongside are cheese slices cut with the cookie cutter.

...the tiny baked breads each hand holding a primrose...

As a party activity, I bought face paints and let the girls decorate my hands as well as their own.  This proved to be much fun.

My hands, as you can see the right hand (on the left) has a pinkie that is totally contracted, and the middle finger is contracted at about 45%.  Comparatively speaking, my left hand looks lovely.

Iris' hands

Elsa's hands

The girls loved the tiny bread hands, and while I was getting drinks in the kitchen they poked holes in the bread bottoms, stuck their fingers in and danced them around with much glee.
 

They sang a version of 'Happy Hands to you', kissed my hands endlessly, expressed their love for me and my hands and made this celebration a triumph.  

Do I love my hand?  I am learning to love my hand, and am committed to make it work for me without complaint.  I think that this is the hand that I will now have the rest of my life, and pray that contractures do not occur in any other fingers.  I am blessed that I can still do pretty much all that I have ever done, I ride my bike daily, bake bread frequently, cook elaborate meals, harvest, plant and garden endlessly, write, drive, sew, and know how blessed I really am. 

GARDEN: FIRST STAGE

It has been a rough few months 'recovering' from hand surgery on January 31st.  The use of my right hand is still far from normal, and I am battling pains and function issues that I never had before the surgery.  However, I have decided to simply plow forward and go ahead with all the things I love to do, and at this time of year that means gardening.

Below you see a view of my 'kitchen garden' which was established two years ago.  Last fall I covered the entire space with newspaper and laid straw over that.  I had intended to remove it and plant, but find that I am simply digging through it or moving it aside to plant, and leaving the rest as mulch.  (Plus, my dog Sapala thinks it is her new bed.)

Freddie was finally able to get into the garden to till it last Thursday late afternoon.  I immediately set about gardening.

I went out to the garden with my garden rake and started raking the loose soil into small raised beds.  This is labor intensive, and with a right hand functioning not so well, proved to be difficult.  Still, after a couple of hours work that night, I went into the house truly elated!  I was happy both inside and out, I was literally high.

There is something about the smell of newly worked soil, the feel of it, and the working it that is of the soul.  I felt the most like me that night then I have since surgery.  It made me most anxious to get back out there the next morning.

I spent two days raking loose soil into beds, some of which I planted at the time, and others I just made ready.

...here are some of the raised rows...

...some of the raised rows and raised beds, broccoli planted in two, along with some red peppers...

...garlic which was planted last November, sweet potatoes to the left, and cucumbers alongside the upright fence, under the milk jugs are tomato plants...

...another view...

I have been plagued with tomato blight for the last few years, so last fall I covered a brand new plot with cardboard and then straw, hoping never before planted ground would avoid blight.  We'll see.

...tomato plants under jugs.  This plot is directly in front of my compost pile, so I thought the tomatoes would benefit from any soil/nutrient seepage...

This morning I went out to my 'corn plot' (I do not raise the rows for the corn) and planted five rows, with more to be planted in a couple of weeks.  Last year I think the crows plucked most of my seeds, so my good old stand-by female scarecrow was staked in the middle of the corn patch.  We'll see if that helps.

I spend most of the day working the garden and no matter how hard I work, how much sweat trickles down my face and body, no matter the aches I have, I can honestly say I never feel better then when I come in from working the garden.

It is a magical pathway to all that is, and if one thinks about the soil, the seeds, the rain, the sun, and one's own part in it all,  there is a connection so deep and vital that one is profoundly renewed as well as blessed by the sacredness of it all.

NEW LEVELS OF IMAGINATION AND ASPARAGUS AT ITS BEST

I have always credited Iris and Elsa with the greatest imaginations ever, which they use 90% of the time.  Well, they astounded me with their play this past Friday!!  While in the kitchen, I heard them talking about the 'Moleys' (no spelling given to me), and how these babies needed tending.  They set about getting all that one needs to take care of babies; diapers, pillows, blankets, cozy corners, etc.  When I next looked in on them and asked what the 'Moleys' were, they said they were the babies, which happened to be Iris' feet!?!  Yes, these 'babies' cried, and got cuddled, and diapered, tended to, fed, among all the other chores one needs to do for babies, by Elsa, for a good hour or more.  (This is a game they have played often, I understand.)  I stifled giggles for a long time.

The previous evening, just about dusk, I looked out the window to see dark approaching, except for across the road where the sun was shinning its last rays of the day on the hillside....

and this is pretty much what it looked like.  Beyond words!

Finally we are getting asparagus, enough right now for a meal at least every other day.  (During asparagus season, we eat it as often as possible, soon there will be enough for a daily dish as well as plenty to give away.)

I had it in my mind that I wanted to fix it with pasta, not as a cold salad, but as a main hot dish.

Cleaned and cut, ready to saute...

 

I started with olive oil and butter melted in a large stainless skillet, chopped onions, and plenty of garlic minced, sauteed just until golden and soft...

I then added the asparagus, lots of it, and cooked until crisp-tender...

I added a cup of chicken broth (you can add white wine instead) and cooked until reduced about one quarter, then added the juice from one lemon, and salt and pepper to taste.

Meanwhile I cooked linguine until ala dente (hard to the tooth),

reserved one cup pasta water, and drained in a colander.

Placed the pasta onto two serving plates, added some of the pasta water to the asparagus in the pan, and covered the plated linguine with the hot asparagus.

Grated fresh Romano cheese over each.  

By far one of the best asparagus meals we have ever had!!!   

Keep that asparagus coming.

MAMA'S DOLLS

In the early morning with my mug of freshly ground coffee, I have a cozy spot in the corner of the couch in our living room, in which I sit.  Our home is filled with windows, and this is the view I get to see, in all its variations throughout the day and the seasons, from that cozy spot.

There is a grand old Box Elder tree right outside the window, and its beauty and grandeur, despite my husband's disdain for Box Elders, offers me hours of inner gratitude and peace.  I found it, with this lovely light, particularly beautiful this morning.

My grandgirls spent their Nonnie Day with me this week, and while they were playing (and I not exactly up to par, yet) I decided to go to the closet and retrieve an old, battered, green plastic suitcase that Jonel kept some of her 'dolls' when she was young.  Barbie dolls were pretty much the rage back then, and not finding them really conducive to imaginative play I never really got her any.  I did find a Hippie-kind of couple, he in a beard and she in longish, flowered dresses, which I did get for her.  Otherwise, it was a collection of dolls from around the world, and whatever she might beg from me at rummage sales.

The old suitcase, some of the dolls, and some of the clothes.

I thought the girls would be intrigued with them, especially since they had been their mother's, but I did not expect the focus and duration of that interest....

...washing them carefully....

...setting up a 'home' for them....

...combing and brushing their hair...

They sustained this play pretty much for four or five hours, with brief breaks to go outdoors.  

These girls are just filled with the wonder of play, and their imaginations are as wide as any child's could be.  The world they created on this day was vast and beautiful, and I was delighted.

PRUNING TIME

Most vineyards have completed their pruning by April.  We, however, delay our pruning as long as possible because we almost always experience a hard frost around Mother's Day.  This kills the already emerging bud, and reduces the crop by about half.  By delaying the pruning we hope to delay bud break and avoid that hard frost.

With just under 900 vines to prune, this is a big job for two people. Pruning is a pretty precise endeavor so we can't just appeal to friends for help.  One must be sure to prune away the right vines, for if you prune the new growth from last year, you won't get grapes this year.  You must prune last years fruiting vines, and this is not always easy to decide.

Our vines experienced vigorous growth last season, though not necessarily vigorous yield, and they are really a tangle this season.

Unfortunately, due to my January hand surgery that is not healing well, Freddie is having to do most of the pruning.

I get out there about one to two hours every other day or so, and do what I can.  It is not easy as my right hand is not fully functional...

I wear a lot of paraphernalia, and mostly have to prune two-handed, but I do what I can.

We are lucky that this spring has been so delayed, as we are really pushing the time limits here.  Hopefully we will be done in the next week or two, weather permitting.

PEEPS AND CHICKEN BREASTS

These two entrepreneurs have embarked on a new project, that is a job!  They are raising chicks and ducks for someone else, keeping a couple of ducks and a few chicks.

They have set up a budget, and are keeping track of expenses, etc.  Still, it is the love of these tiny creatures, I believe, that has sparked this business venture.

The five ducks....

They really are so sweet!

On another note, as I am still far from fully recovered from January 31st hand surgery, and am  limited in what I can do, (for example, it is time to prune our 2 acre vineyard, and I am mostly not able to do that except in very young, tender vines.  Thus poor Freddie has this burden to himself)  What I can do, and of course am grateful for, is cook.

One of my (our) favorite meals is chicken fillets, and one of my favorite ways of fixing them has always been Italian...pounded thin, dipped in egg, then Italian bread crumbs, and sauteed.  Recently I found a recipe for Thai Chicken Breast, and it is dynamite.  Steam 1 c. basmati rice and set aside.

Combine 2 tbs. grated ginger root, 1 large garlic clove chopped, and 1/8 tsp. crushed red pepper flakes, and set aside.  Mix 1/2 c. flour with salt and pepper and dredge pounded chicken pieces in this, dip in beaten egg, then into panko bread crumbs.  Heat some olive oil in a pan, saute chicken until done, and remove to a warm pan in a low oven to keep warm.  Add the ginger mixture to the pan and saute until lightly browned.  Add 4 tbs. tamari sauce, 1/2 c. brown sugar, 1/2 c. white wine vinegar and 1 tsp. fish sauce, and bring mixture to a boil.  Reduce heat and simmer until sauce is reduced and a thickened a bit

Spoon rice onto plate, place chicken breast over this, and drizzle sauce over all.  I sauteed my frozen garden green beans in olive oil with plenty of garlic, and served these along side.

A truly delicious meal.